I’ve had a crush on this girl since 7th grade. Didn’t actually get to know her as a person until freshman year of HS. We became close friends, but she eventually started avoiding me. It made me sad for the most part until the last day of my freshman year. Some part of me was hoping that she’d at least say goodbye to me or wish me a good summer break. She didn’t. I saw that she had a matching henna tattoo with another girl in our cl*** and that made me so mad. I started thinking about killing both of them. Over time I lost my hatred for the other girl, but my hatred for the girl I used to love only grew. I would constantly fantasize about murdering her in any way possible. I started low key stalking her. I have a note Doc of everything I know of her. Her schedule at school, who she hangs out with, any info on her or her family I can find. It got to the point where I almost brought a knife to school to kill her. This feeling has been with me since I was 14 and has only gotten worse. My homicidal thoughts have merged with my suicidal thoughts. I often think about stealing my mother’s gun, taking it to school and killing her then myself. I also think about killing myself in front of her so that she never forgets about me. The other night I even dreamt about shooting her dead… I know I have a problem. But I can’t get help because they will surely institutionalize me.